


Falling Apart

by Romulus1408



Category: Skulduggery Pleasant - Derek Landy
Genre: Angst, Comedy, Drama, F/M, Humour, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-03-21 04:48:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3678150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romulus1408/pseuds/Romulus1408
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prior to the Events of Dying of The Light, Skulduggery is alone. He has stayed in Ireland for 4 years without having a break. Fighting the forces of evil, alone for 4 years has begun taking it's toil and Skulduggery has begun losing it. Fight's in the street have become more frequent, wise-cracks have become less frequent and people have been whispering rumors about his mental stability. Whispers of a time left only in the war, is sounding in the shadows of Skulduggery's skull. A whisper that hasn't been heard for years. Skulduggery is losing it, and the only person on his mind is on the other side of the world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Skulduggery Pleasant.  
> All characters and lore are rights of Derek Landy and his Publisher.  
> WARNING- This story centers around Skulduggery having feelings for Valkyrie. She is 18, but if you have an issue with the age gap, don't read it. Also, this is 4 years after her being 18, so she's like 22 or something  
> This story hints at Tanith and Skulduggery. If you have an issue, don't read and so on. 
> 
> Thanks for Reading!

_**Chapter 1** _

  
Skulduggery Pleasant walked into his house, the floorboards creaking slightly as he entered the hallway. He placed his hat upon the hat stand and removed his tie. Walking into the main living room he looked at the absolute silence of it all. Something was missing. Of course it was. It had been for 4 years, yet he hadn't felt like this in awhile. Sentimentality was getting the better of him. He hated that.

She had rubbed off on him.

Of course she had left. Things like that, one tended to run from it. Valkyrie was brave though, taking this on alone, but Skulduggery had done the same. Both detectives had ran away from a war, leaving a bit of their soul on the battlefield. But where Valkyrie had led a normal life before and after, Skulduggery had nothing left to return to.

He sighed heavily, more out of habit than anything else and went into the kitchen. Stepping past the dining table to the counter top he turned on the kettle. Then realized he no longer had a reason to make tea. He would have just kept making it if Ghastly were still alive, Or Anton but he would have been suspicious as to the reason, he probably would have asked for the teapot to be brought to the hotel. He could have called Saracen or Dexter but they would be all to interested in seeing Skulduggery emotionally unstable, it would have tarnished his reputation. He stopped caring about the tea and walked into the living room. In it was a TV, he would have turned it on but he knew that most of it was just soft-minded entertainment and Atheists shouting at each other. He would have read a book, if he hadn't read everything in his personal library.

He looked at the new couch that he got only for his partner, ex-partner. Realizing that he could probably sell it and get it around about the original price. Though he was reminded of his sentimentality again, it became worse as he sat in her spot. He couldn't sell it without losing piece of his memories of her.

He was hoping there was something still there, anything worth salvaging. It was cold and it was squishy, like most couches, nothing new. There wasn't anything special about this one except the residual stains from Valkyrie “crashing” on the couch there. Her words, not his. He looked at the stain for a while, trying to remember how they had gotten there. It had something to do with her getting knocked around by a few sorcerers during a raid. She had taken a soaking in Skulduggery's bath. He had spent an hour trying to not think about it, he finished 5 novels by Jane Austen before she had gotten out. When she came out, she was wearing a loose cotton jersey which showed far too much of her legs. To his knowledge, she had no pants on. They were in the wash with her combat clothes. He had read the entire encyclopedia of the natural sciences before he could stop thinking about it. It had been a few months before the war. Such innocent times. He knew it was unusual, thinking about an 18 year old girl like that, but he knew weirder sorcerers. Some were 900 and dated 20 year olds. It was the same concept.

But, as he sat there, his tie off and sitting in a casual stance, he realized how off the rails he was becoming. He needed a partner again. Just last week he had been left without arms. When he spoke to Clarabelle about it she made reference to a Mr Holmes. Skulduggery then informed her that he was fictional. She screamed at him and threw water into his face. Turned out it was acid, and he required a new suit.

4 years though...

This had become far too troublesome for Skulduggery. Maybe he would have to get a companion. An extremely attractive and intelligent one though, like that one fellow on television. The one with the fez and magician style clothing. If one has to wear anything it should be a suit, no fez. But if Skulduggery were to get a new battle accessory it would take too long too train him or her back up to Valkyrie's level. He hated that fact to.

Nobody looked as good as well as being able to kick as many people in the face as Detective Cain. Tanith was pretty close, but she seemed to be on some sort of spirit quest at that moment, looking for some new purpose after learning about everything that had happened during her possession. She became way too existential. It was extremely unhealthy for an 80-something year old. He didn't want any of the old 'Dead Men' as his partner either, they would mess with his intuition. He knew he was just beating around the bush though, he needed Valkyrie back and he didn't know when she would return. The Skeleton Detective wasn't as good with emotions as he was with cases, if he was, more people would enjoy his company. Perhaps his blunt opinions of others had something to do with that.

Valkyrie had never cared though. In fact, it took all Skulduggery had to keep it together around her.

He realized that it had been an hour since he had sat down, thinking about Valkyrie. This was unhealthy and he knew it. There was only one way to fix this. He picked up his gun, put it in his holster, re-tied his tie, re-angled his hat and speed-walked to his car. He picked up his scarf and glasses on the way out and got in. He gunned the engine and listened to the Bentley purr like the lioness it was.

“At least you won't break down on me.” Skulduggery said to himself as he patted the dashboard fondly. The engine sputtered and Skulduggery's hand tensed before realizing it was just from the constant use. He probably needed to have some maintenance. It was getting old, the same as he was. The thing about the Detective was that he couldn't get replacement parts. Well he could, but he didn't like it. It wasn't as dignified as it sounds. He drove down to Roarhaven, the now fully re-established center of Magic in Ireland. Where the grey skies and drabness of the old town was now replaced by a bumbling metropolis hidden from the eyes of the mortals. Life was getting easier for sorcerers in Ireland, people were flocking from far and wide to come to the hidden gem which was the City of Roarhaven.

This provided Skulduggery with more work however, as people were more prone to Magical crimes in magical cities than mortal ones. Skulduggery had spent the last 4 years working almost non-stop. It was a good thing Skulduggery didn't need nourishment, or sleep, or a peaceful afterlife.  
Due to this however Grand Mage Sorrows introduced a new recruitment agency for the Sanctuary so it would have more investigators. The rookies were set up in different sectors of the City, but Skulduggery was assigned to the entirety of the City as well as Ireland itself. The training facility was in the Sanctuary building itself where the investigators were trained by old Reaper instructors. Here one could learn every form of self defense, learn how to use every fire arm and every dirty trick in every book. The firing range had become Skulduggery's favorite place as of late. It was where he could make the other agent's feel inadequate. He found this monotonous, though highly entertaining. Mostly because they would always ask to be tutored by him and complimented his skills.

He didn't need complimenting.  
He was a prodigy.

His other favorite part of the Sanctuary was the training room, where everyone went up against one of the Cleavers and got their asses kicked severely. Skulduggery only got his ass kicked a little. Though he had no ass to have beat, he did possess a pelvis. He was headed there now, to test out if his pelvis served the same purpose for the third time in that week. As well as to get his mind off his combat accessory, tight trousers and all.

He strode into the room just as someone was flipped into a wall. Those in the line next to the mat winced as bone could be heard snapping and wall cracking. He simply walked onto the mat and removed his finely tailored shoes and handed his hat to the woman who was next in line. They all looked at him with wide, wet eyes as he went to the center of the mat. The Cleaver Tutor walked to the center of the mat and stood face to face with the Skeleton Detective.

“I met a fellow similar to you once. He had a very dark shade of armor. I remember mentioning to him something about the lack of options. I see that you'd have more options though. Would you ever consider representing a spectrum of colors instead of Grey?”

The Cleaver, plenty taller than the already tall Skulduggery simply took a step back and settled into a combat stance.

“I see. Not much of a talker are you? I read somewhere that talking helps your mental state. As you can see I am so incredibly sane, I talk a great deal.”

The cleaver tilted it's head slightly at this last comment. Everyone else just raised an eyebrow. Skulduggery shrugged and laughed a little.

“You can decide for yourself how truthful that statement is. I'm sure you have a lot to talk about.  
Come, regail me with your tails of gallantry young Knight!”  
Skulduggery pronounced with gusto and raised his arm triumphantly to the sky.

“Fine then... perhaps the next one will be more forthcoming.” Skulduggery brought his arms to his sides and stood for a moment. A moment ticked by and everyone, including the Cleaver stood in silence as they awaited the fury of the infamous Dead Man. Skulduggery turned on his heel to leave, but as he turned he struck out with a jab to the Cleavers visor.

Before landing the strike the Cleaver blocked it and headed in with a jab to the chest which Skulduggery in turn countered. Upon getting both hands free he sent down an elbow into the top of the Cleavers helmet. Skulduggery's opponent staggered as Skulduggery set a knee beneath the Cleaver and held his head in vice grip as he slammed the helmet into his knee as he brought the knee up. The Cleaver rose up off of the ground and fell back slightly. The detective remembered teaching Valkyrie that move. Dammit. As the Cleaver rose he struck out again into the Cleavers stomach with his heel. The Cleaver was forced to his knee and grabbed his leg and twisted. Skulduggery lost his footing and landed on to the mat with a thud. He twisted his legs, upon being freed he struck out at the Cleavers knee and turned onto his back. Skulduggery put his hands beneath his head and pushed , sending his feet up into the Cleavers head and sent him onto his back. The Cleaver responded by kicking into the crotch of the Dead Man and hooking his foot as he went to send him into the wall. Before going out of range Skulduggery grabbed the shoulder of the Cleaver and hit the ground in a crouch. Skulduggery took a hold of the Armour of his opponent and flipped him over his knee so he landed face first into the plastic.

Skulduggery started pounding his elbow into the Cleaver's helmet over and over and over again. He could hear something cracking beneath the force of the blow but he kept going and going.

He was angry.  
He was alone.  
His friends were gone.  
The Grand Mage was hammering him with work.  
And now there was nobody left to appreciate how much it took.  
To do this day by day and not gain anything.  
How much it took just to stop meditating and put on a tie in the morning.  
How much it took to save the world and pretend like it didn't mean anything.  
Nobody to laugh with.  
Nobody to appreciate his genius.  
His style.  
His humor.

His lo...

He looked around, everyone was staring at him. Skulduggery could hear the raspy breathing of the Cleaver beneath the visor. The girl who was holding his hat had subsequently dropped it onto the floor in shock. Skulduggery could hear the blood drip to the floor. Skulduggery rose shakily from the floor. He looked at the people who had seen this. He walked calmly to his hat. Picked it up, put it on the perfect angle with nobody left to care. He put on his shoes and stood for a moment in the doorway. He looked out a bit and saw that a group had accumulated in the hallway. He tipped his hat slightly and just said.

“I'm just so... .” he paused for a moment and looked back into the room at the Cleaver.  
“Incredibly sane” and walked out of the Sanctuary.

Nobody tried to stop him.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skulduggery arrives back from the Sanctuary and finds himself and his home in shambles, whats happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rights reserved for Derek Landy .  
> If you guys are wondering where Tanith is, well, she arrives at the end!

_**Chapter 2** _

Skulduggery had awoken from his meditation, finding himself on Valkyries couch. His suit was a mess and the entirety of the house was a disaster.

The tables were overturned. Tables, because he now possessed two halves of a once prosperous table.

The kitchen was covered in broken utensils and bits of cabinet door.

The Paintings on the wall were in scattered pieces across the house.

The television was broken and everything was in the opposite location of where it was meant to be

Skulduggery knew that he no longer had a brain to have it ache, but he rubbed his head from the headache. He sighed and stepped over all the overturned objects in his house. He went to a mirror and found that his suit now had giant cuts and bullet holes. Judging by the size he had probably gone up against a few small time ruffians in town and tried to arrest them. Judging by the amount, he went up against a lot.

He was really starting to lose it.

_Go on then, let loose._

Why would I?

_You know why._

No, I can handle this. I've spent years on my own.

_No, I've spent years on my own. You haven't._

We're the same person!

_Really?Then why don't you let loose?_

Because you know why! Now shut up. I'm done wrestling my inner demons.

Skulduggery knew he was losing it, he was hearing  _him_  again. The intent, he could hear it, feel it. It was very unbecoming of a gentleman.

_You don't have to care anymore, if you just open the black case._

No.

The detective had heard that it was like this with Valkyrie as well. They shared a bond, a bond from genocidal murderers inhabiting their minds. He didn't want to tell her though. If she thought that he had gone through the same thing without having an alter ego remain, she would try to get rid of hers. It was stupid to assume that though. She hadn't gotten rid of her's, neither had Skulduggery.

With his partner gone, he didn't need to lead anymore. He had been trying to find an excuse to hide his dark side for years, decades before Valkyrie came forward. People like Ghastly, Ravel or Gordon, they were all people Skulduggery had to be the hero for. They had needed him, but now they were all gone he wasn't really needed anymore. It was odd though, one had been killed by the other, the other was then killed by Skulduggery. The only person who needed him now was the murderer of his family.

There was some cruel irony in the world. But that was why he was still here, to suffer the punishment that Lord Vile was never present for. Or at least, what he wanted to believe.

That's what he would've told Valkyrie.

But in reality, Skulduggery didn't feel like dying yet. He had died once and it hadn't really been a pleasant experience. Granted that was most peoples view on the concept, but they had never been through it before. It was similar too getting shot, people very rarely want to do it, but never know if it's good or bad.

When Skulduggery was dead he hadn't felt anything new, it just felt like nothing, like everything was dark and cold and silent. It didn't have anything to do with being chucked into a river in a bag with no lighting.

He hated the fact that he sounded so brooding and insufferable when he thought about all this, Valkyrie had that effect on him though. With no real reason to hide it, heroes tend to brood. That's what made them heroes. That or Batman.

He looked over at the old phone he was given in the 80's by Ghastly (He didn't have the heart to throw it away), the message count was about 50. He looked at the phone for a minute and then all of a sudden it was half way into the adjacent wall. He hadn't even realized that he had used the air on the innocent answering machine. He stared at the wall for a moment. If he had eyelids he would have blinked hard at the glowing hole in the wall.

He walked slowly over to the phone and pulled it out of the wall with some struggle. It fell to the floor with a clack as he walked over to his suit room. He walked in and put on a tie, it wasn't even the right tie for this suit. The color was way off. He knew Ghastly would be rolling over in his grave at the sight, but he was gone.

They were all gone, so why would Skulduggery care?

He threw a shoe at the mirror and saw it shatter into pieces.

"If I was superstitious I..." stopped for a moment, realizing nobody was there to hear this. He threw another shoe and it did nothing but thud against the wall, leaving a heel shaped hole in the plaster. If only he had someone of equal intelligence to talk to, to talk this through with. Somebody like Valkyrie, who would listen to the stupid things he would say and still laugh.

That's when it hit him like a shoe in the wall.

A Reflection.

His own reflection. Somebody who was just like him and had all his memories. Granted it would just be a carbon copy of himself but if he killed it and shoved it back in the mirror then it would start to evolve. Not entirely him, but the closest thing besides Valkyrie.

The second most understanding person he would ever know. He rummaged through his closet and pulled out a full length mirror. He drew the symbol and did the ritual. He touched the mirror hastily and waited.

He looked and it did nothing.

A few minutes ticked by and he did it again.

He tried again and again and realized that it wasn't going to work.

He didn't understand.

He held his hand against it, lent his head, his chest, turned around on it, eventually sliding his body down it.

If he had eyes he would be crying. If he had a heart anymore it would be exploding. Figuratively of course. He had been told by nearly everyone he knew that he had never had one.

Valkyrie had never said that.

He sat there and punched the mirror for a full minute.

He didn't have the strength so he just sort of rattled it, like the soft slapping of a sleepy old person. He was getting to old, for it to hurt this much.

Of course the Reflection wouldn't work, he wasn't alive either.

You cannot replicate a t-shirt, or a gun, or a wardrobe. You can't replicate a flower, because it's alive but not sentient, he had the reversed situation.

Time passed as these thought's trickled from his mind.

He was really losing it. He was likening himself to a wardrobe.

He had no trouble with being likened to a flower, but wardrobes were out of the question.

He tipped the mirror over and watched it shatter as he walked out of the room to the kitchen. He needed to prove he was living, or alive, or something.

He poured a glass of water hastily in a cup and put it into his jaw.

It drenched his ruined suit and moistened the front of his spine but nothing more. He threw the glass through the window and listened to it shatter outside on the pavement.

He just stood there for a moment and looked at all the carnage. The puddle of water at his feet, the broken window and fallen cutlery. The broken refrigerator with mustard and milk split on the floor.

He was used to this kind of carnage but it was usually after he saved the day, it very rarely happened before then.

He looked at all this destruction and realized that all this was not really for Valkyrie or Ghastly.

Even when he was alive, he had never broken as much things as he had just now. He always tried to...

Ok, he had never really avoided breaking things, but that came with his line of work. In fact, he had never wasted a good pair of shoes either, especially if they were Bespoke.

Something was happening within him, something was starting to ooze out and he needed to stop it.

A dark shadow was oozing out from deep within him and he needed to push it back down again.

_What's wrong with a bit of oozing?_

Oozing was very unprofessional for a man his age. He looked down at the mess again and realized that it looked eerily similar to Valkyrie's room.

That was the last straw.

He started cleaning up and putting everything back in their original places. He came to realize the destructive capabilities of a man on a brooding binge. He remembered Ghastly telling him a story of something similar during the war, but he had suspiciously forgotten that until recently. Something about Skulduggery loosing his favorite hat in the middle of a bar fight, he had taken out the motel they were staying in. Those bandits had started it though, such actions were beneath him.

Within 4 hours everything was back in its original place. The detective scanned his surroundings, and found that it was suspiciously barren. He called upon his usual supplier and had them deliver within the month.

He needed to get his life back under control. He needed to regain his composure.

The fact of the matter was that he could fake composure as well as he could fake sympathy, but this time he actually required it. He had been in the middle of a firefight over a doomsday bomb, he had intimidated all of them into submission. Good days.

If it got out that the Skeleton Detective was losing it over his partner, people would start to get curious. Everyone had assumed that his ego was too big for that to happen. Even Skulduggery had thought that. People would begin thinking it was too ridiculous, to outlandish for him. They would start connecting dots, dots that led back to the war.

It didn't take a genius to connect the dots, things were going to turn sour. This would start to go away if he saved the world at least twice before the end of the month, that's how things usually went. People tend to forget a lot of things if you save the world a few times. Valkyrie needed to learn that.

_She was learning that from you._

Of course she was, i'm a hero.

_You are now... You're her hero._

I'm a lot of peoples hero, nothing special about that.

_Narcissism is barely enough to describe you._

Us. Vile, Us.

_Semantics are useless._

I find them quite enjoyable.

_Of course you would._

Is there a problem?

_Well I think that..._

A loud knock came from the front door. Skulduggery realized he had just spent another 10 minutes having a conversation with himself. It hadn't been this bad since he had been with the Faceless One's universe. He had had a full on debate with himself and five other delegates of his subconscious prior to leaving that dimension. Valkyrie had helped him escape from there.

Even then at least he had an excuse for his insanity.

He went into the Suit room and quickly changed out of his tattered clothing. Looking pretty much as heroic as ever, he stepped into the hallway and opened the door. For a split second he thought it was Valkyrie, the musculature was similar and the stance this individual took was almost identical. His non-existent heart did a little explosion, then stopped halfway and retreated into itself. He was surprised to find Tanith Low standing in her usually attire in front of him, tight fitting leather clothing and boots, not dissimilar to Valkyries. Her sword was hidden somewhere in her jacket. Her blonde hair, though still luscious and golden, had lost it's luster in the past few years. In the same way she herself had lost her luster these past few years. Before being inhabited by the Remnant, she had been one of the shining beacon of optimism for the group, second only to Valkyrie herself. She had been Ghastly's beacon especially, Skulduggery didn't feel as though he needed a beacon, he was his own beacon.

_That's a lie._

Shut up.

Tanith looked as bad-ass as she had always been, here eyes looked a little bit lost though. She had awakened with no one who trusted her and everyone trying to arrest her. Upon clearing her name, she went to meet her Londoner friend that could shoot lasers and then traveled the world looking for something to do. She had come back every so often to help Skulduggery out on one of the numerous cases over the years. It could be stated that they had gotten closer. Neither would admit to it, but it was obvious. She had taken precedence over the passenger seat now, even changing it's position. Valkyrie would be cross.

In some way Skulduggery needed someone else to be a hero for, and Tanith needed a friend again. They had just miraculously become closer in the span of a few months. Nowadays, the first person she saw when she came into Ireland was Skulduggery. Tanith had plenty of friends in contrast to Skulduggery, however she had alienated them slightly with the reckless slaughter over the years she was under the influence. Skulduggery assumed the same would happen to him if his friends found out as well.

"Hi Skul" Tanith said through a strained smile.

"Hello Tanith" Skulduggery said, faking composure as well as a skeleton with no face could

"I assume by the fact that you have your sword with you and the combat boots you need me for something?"

"Actually I felt as though we should talk." She said sheepishly, as though she was afraid. But that was impossible, Tanith never showed fear. It was definitely something else.

"By all means my dear." He said, bowing slightly while he opened the door further into the wall-stopper. He lead her to the living room as he settled into his chair across from Valkyries. Tanith walked slowly, almost warily to the sat down slowly, like a startled cat, ready to spring at any dropping her gaze from the Detective.

She had obviously heard about something from the other agents. She was here to calm him down, to make sure he wasn't going to go on a rampage. Currently, she was one of the very few friends he had left. They had a connection that couldn't be established with others, the love of kicking people in the face very hard for the thrill of it. Skulduggery spread his arms wide in a 'So, go ahead' sort of motion and waited.

"So Skul, ol' pal o' mine! How've ya been?" Tanith said nervously. He was almost taken aback, though he had never been surprised when people realized what he really was. How the legend of the truest 'Dead Man' meant he was truly dead. When people looked at him with a nervous respect, with the respect reserved for the dead. He wasn't surprised about that, he was surprised that a girl like Tanith had that look. It had stopped mattering about 200 years ago. But he had never expected this from...

Tanith had always been there for him and Valkyrie. Well, ignoring the "Lack of Discipline" on her part in the years previous. She was a good ally to have and a good friend to Valkyrie. When Detective Cain didn't need an insane murderous skeleton as her best friend, she would call upon Tanith. That had meant by extension Skulduggery was close with Tanith. He didn't think it was wise to lie to Tanith about what was going on, now that they were close.

But...

"I'm... fine thank you" Skulduggery said warily. He didn't know Tanith's intention's yet. If she was here for some more sparring, then he needed to prepare. If she was here to bring him in for something, he would need to be prepared to use his imagination. If she was a remnant again she might have some plans involving his bones and Rottweilers. He still wasn't sure if the real Tanith was back, the way she had changed was so unorthodox Skulduggery had a hard time believing it. But he was nothing if not flexible. He accepted her with open arms, with a few spare rounds for his revolver jingling in his pocket and crossed finger bones.

"How are you Tanith?" Skulduggery said as he sat up a little bit straighter in his chair.

"I'm fine thanks. Are you sure you're okay, Skul? If you have any issue you can talk with me about it"

"I'm Grand, Tanith, honestly. What brings about this sudden interest in my well-being? I may be an amazingly unique individual, but I do not require documentation of my well-being. Unless this is for a documentary, in which case, ask the Grand Mage, I'm sure she has plenty to say about her agents while people like us do real work. Which makes this sudden interview rather suspicious." If Skulduggery still had his eyebrows, he would be raising them.

"Skulduggery, I didn't want to be harsh about this but I have a feeling we really need to talk about this. You know what i'm here to talk about but I might as well spell it out for you. I don't think you really remember this bit, but you went on a rampage last night. Some of that night was spent in other countries. On a few mortal news reports, it was seen that something resembling a human hit Mach 4 at midnight and broke the sound barrier. At which point it was also observed that low level criminals fell into contact with a talking skeleton fires coming out of it's eye sockets that beat the shit out of of them." Tanith paused to let that sink in. Skulduggery just kept sitting there, looking into Tanith's eyes, trying to figure out what she was going to do about it.

"Though these claims are largely discredited, being druggies and all." Tanith continued

"Other reports speak of somebody stopping a bank robbery, in a suit and a scarf, and hitting them with lasers coming out of his hands. Similairly, a hostage situation as well as a kidnapping and attempted rape incident were all stopped by a man in a black suit with glowing red eyes, shooting lasers froms his hands. In parts of New York, the Ukraine, Russia, Germany, Africa, The Philippines, Japan, Australia, China, India, almost all of the world. Change  _"laser"_  to " _streams of fire"_  and who does that sound like to you Skul?" Tanith said, raising a sarcastic eyebrow. Skulduggery figured out what she was here for.

A lecture.

That was new.

Especially from Tanith.

"In fact these are only the countries that have 24 hour news networks. You might have tried to beat the shit out of some ghetto thugs in the Congo and we wouldn't even know about it."

Tanith was practically foaming at the mouth, despite the civility she was presenting to him.

Skulduggery simply sat there, feigning innocence. He wasn't exactly sure what to say. He didn't remember anything, he just knew he had been through a scuffle. He thought he just tried to stop a few muggings in Ireland. He would've remembered though. Vile was taking control, he was encroaching like the progressive shadow that he had always been, the flickering in the back of his skull. However dramatic that sounded.

"Now I don't know what kind of Superman bullshit that you're trying to pull right now Skul but it has to stop. The last couple of years have died down with the publicity, but this is getting ridiculous. The entire magic community is watching Ireland now, waiting for you to fuck up so they can wander in here with an army to take you down." Tanith said as she dropped the act and sat forward in her seat. Skulduggery simply sat back and peaked his fingers close to what remained of his nose.

"They would need more than that to stop me..." He said softly to himself. Not really realizing that Tanith was there.

She sat there with her eye's wide and her mouth wider. Not really because she was surprised, but more that she knew he wasn't bluffing. She went to get out of her seat, but then hesitated for a moment. Skulduggery tilted his head slightly, wondering what her next move was. She looked back at him for a moment, he did the same.

She settled back into her chair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I'm uploading in 3 chapter bursts per fortnight. Although, my schedule depend on study.  
> China Sorrows fans, she's going to come up in Chapter 4. Sorry, you guys are gonna be waiting a while! But don't worry, there's a pay off! 
> 
> Thanks for Reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tanith is trying to have a pep-talk with Skulduggery, trying to find out what's wrong. Skulduggery is being aloof and dismissive of his feelings as always. Tanith tries to be serious and Skulduggery tries to mess with her. Hilarity ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, this one involves a lot of Tanith, as well as chapter 4.   
> But Chapter 5 involves China!   
> Just wait guys.   
> Thanks for reading. 
> 
> I don't own the rights to Skulduggery Pleasant.
> 
> All right's reserved to Derek and his publish

“Listen Skul-Man...” Tanith began, trying to relax in her chair. Tanith's tone had suddenly gone from accusational to friendly advice. Something had flipped a switch . Skulduggery paid it no mind, but to Tanith it meant a great deal. It wasn't that she was realising that Skulduggery was losing it which comforted her. Or the fact that he had saved a large quantity of people that comforted her. It boiled down to the fact that now, Tanith wasn't the scariest person in the room. However, she had never been that amongst the likes of Cain and Pleasant.

She was an afterthought.

 

“Don't call me that” Skulduggery said, realising her reason. He didn't mind though. It meant that she wasn't afraid.

_She will be._

Of my brilliance? Your right.

_You have a shoe shaped hole in your closet_

I think it looks lovely

_It looks like a hole in the wall..._

_Shaped like a shoe._

Fair play.

 

“Look, I know things have been tough, but you can't keep doing this.” Tanith continued.

“You've put the world on high alert. Everyone is stepping on thin ice with a Great White Shark sleeping underneath it.”

 

“This isn't like you, man! What's going on?” Tanith said as sincere as he had ever seen her. Tanith had always tried to play it cool, playing stuff like this off as venting anger. But, she looked so serious. The look of concern in her eyes was disturbing for Skulduggery. It might have been the fact that Skulduggery was her only companion left that actually trusted her. He didn't trust her to the extent she believed, but nonetheless, it was trust. This kind of concern only ever reminded him of his ex-partner. She had always picked at him when she knew something was wrong. Even if she knew it would stir trouble, she would keep trying to understand. He had told her countless times to stop, but she very rarely did.

 

“Come on Val...” He paused, sitting absolutely still for what felt like an hour. It took him a minute to realise what he had just said. Tanith looked at him, but with understanding rather than concern. She blushed slightly and looked out the window for a brief second. She looked back after a while, secured her composure again. Skulduggery sighed and sat back into his chair, sinking into the leather.

 

“Well, let's talk about that then, shall we?” Tanith said, doing the same as the Detective.

 

“What are you, my psychologist?” Skulduggery said with his hand on his forehead.

 

“You have a psychologist?”

 

“I had a tailor” he said sadly, but drly whimsical.

 

“That's not a psychologist” Tanith dead-panned

 

“That all depends on your perspective.” Skulduggery said, smirk in his voice.

 

“A tailors perspective is looking at the crotch of customers.” Tanith said with a smile.

 

“The most profound perspective of all” Skulduggery spread his arms wide in a “You get it now?” kind of motion.

 

“Skeleton!”Tanith only ever called him that when she was extremely upset with him. Something she had only developed over the last few years. She sat down for a minute, calming herself down from the common place ridiculousness of Skulduggery Pleasant.

“I'm being serious here, OK?” Tanith said, sounding slightly stressed.

 

“Can we actually talk seriously?” Skulduggery chuckled rhetorically. “Last time we talked it was about how everyone's hair looked ridiculous in the 80's. The time before that we talked about what it was like in the 1800's, specifically mine. Embarrassment aside, it was rather amusing”Skulduggery chuckled softly again.

 

“We're talking about right now though, Skul. Regardless of how ridiculous the hair was.”

 

“Specifically yours. The 80's were a tough time for gravity. With every other disco-individual taking up an ...” Skulduggery said with a smile. If he had a face.

“The time's were different!” Tantih interjected sharply. A blush spreading to the rest of her face.

 

“You could probably tell the time by just looking at your shadow. Or replecate the shape of an ice cream” Skulduggery joked.

 

“You can't talk shit about hair ok, you don't have any!”

 

“That hurt Tanith. If my heart were still here, it would be shattering. ” Skulduggery said with a mock frown in his voice and a tilt on his head. He put his hand to his heart in offense.

 

“Shut up, Skeleton. Ok, can we be real for a minute?” Tanith spat, shaking her hands sparodically.

 

“We are real Tanith, at least to my knowledge. You could be a figment of my imagination. You'd be surprised how much that happens.” Skulduggery said as he sat back further into his chair and looked at the ceiling. He sighed again and just waited for something to happen. Maybe the Rainbow Cleaver would bust through the roof and start doing a river-dance. That would be preferable to this, at least he'd have something to look at.

 

“Ok man, look. I miss Val as much as you do, maybe less, maybe more. I can't really be sure, since we never talked about it.”

 

“There's a reason we don't talk about that.” He said as he looked back to Tantih, peaking his fingertips again.

 

“This isn't vampire's Skul! This is about your partner, you know that.” Tanith sat back in her seat, sort of exhauseted.

 

“Ex partner” He tensed his fingers slightly.

 

“She never stopped being your partner”

 

“Really? How would you know?”

 

“I just do okay? You were her best friend for a long time Skulduggery, The friend I should have been.”

 

“I'm a good alternative.” Skuludggery said, putting a modest hand to his chest. Tanith looked away again, she seemed so far away in that moment, Skulduggery knew he needed to bring her back somehow.

 

“Look Tanith, your shouldn't blame yourself, ok? I may not be the best person to hear this from, but you can't be held accountable for what evil crawls into you. The remnant may have looked like you, talked like you, had the same memories and so on, but it will never be you. The thing that defines you in my opinion is your kindness. Also your friendship with me. Tanith, do not let the past define you. It was said that your past moulds you, but your actions define you.”

 

“Who said that?”

 

“Probably some man with a beard. Anyway, I think I told Valkyrie this once, but I think there's a reason sorcerers live so long. We live to atone for the things that we have done, the mistakes we have made.”

 

“And to make new ones”

 

“True enough. But that's what makes life interesting. You can't make an omelet without stealing the unborn of chickens. It's been great talking to you, now i'll see you at a later date.” Skulduggery started to get up and tried to walk to the door, but Tanith continued to sit and gave Skuludggery a look.

 

“OK, now that we've talked out my problems, let's not beat around the bush. You miss Valkyrie.”

 

“In the same way a drunk man misses the bar”

 

“Sit down skeleton, i'm gonna make a cup of tea, if you're not here when I get back, I will hunt you down and cut off one of your fingers.”

 

“Such cruel words Miss Low, some would say your a voilent person.”

 

“Tell that to the Black Cleaver” Tanith rose from her chair, with a little more spring in her step. She had done this sort of thing every time she had come around. She never asked for any help, she was to proud for that, but she was really hurting, she needed a friend who understood. About what it was like to kill so many and not really be aware of it.

 

Skulduggery knew all too well.

 

Tanith dissapeared into the kitchen and Skulduggery felt the sudden urge to bust out of the window and make a run for it. If he couldn't walk away from his feelings he could sprint from them. He didn't have time for this, Sorrow's might need him to do something at Roarhaven, or maybe the monster hunters would call him up. He didn't need amatuer psychology, or psychology in general. He needed to punch something. Tanith wasn't any better than he was with this sort of stuff so a kettle-pot situation was imminent. As Tanith stood around waiting for the tea to boil the only thing on Skulduggery's mind was...

 

_Should we tell her?_

Wait, We?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks For reading!   
> I hope you liked it!   
> Tell me if i mis-spelt anything ok?  
> also, You guys might have to wait for the next 3.   
> But! Tanith get's so wasted on Brandy! Hilarity ensues.   
> And Chapter 5, as i said before, China comes in wearing bathrobe!   
> Hilarity ensues. 
> 
> Thanks guys!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tanith has a nice cup of tea with Skulduggery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for waiting guys.   
> i'm sorry about the delays  
> I have a lot of school work to catch up on.   
> But thanks for sticking around guys.   
> I love you all! (Friend wise)

#### 4

“Hey Skul, i've been wondering, can you drink in that form?” Tanith asked as she brought a plate of tea to the coffee table and sat back on the couch.

“I tried once, I got a wet spine and a wasted pair of tousers. Why do you ask?”

“It's just that you have a lot less tea than the last time I was here. I was just thinking maybe you got drunk and mixed scotch with Earl Grey. It would've also explained your rampage last night. I'd be lying if I said I haven't gotten plastered and took on a mob of goblins with my fists and a bottle of liquour.”

  
  


“Unlike you, young lady i'm a refined skeleton” said modestly, hand to his chest, head pointed upward.

“You don't know what kind of skeleton i'll be!” The warrior said, pointing to her chest.

“Probably a broken one, with all that brawling you do. ”

“Hypocrisy comes best from the aristocracy!” She said as she sipped her tea.

“Do I look like the aristocracy to you?”

“Unnaturally pale, terrifies normal people, throws money around like toiler paper. Sound familiar?” Tanith said with a smirk.

“We don't have a monarchy here Tanith, the only time you can complain about superiority is who has a better punch.”

“I was talking about you,Skeleton. If we're talking about punches, no one throws it better than me.”

“I'm proud you think of me as royalty though, my young battle accesory.”

“I'm like fucking 90 dude!”

“I feel you aren't really old until you reach my age.” Skulduggery said with his usual charm. “Also, don't call me 'dude', it completely reinforces your maturity.”

“Your about as mature as a pimply teenager Skeleton. Also, you wouldn't say that 'young until 400' flak to Valkyrie would you?” Tanith said, cackling slightly.

Blushing was impossible and also highly unorthodox for the skeleton detective. However, the phantom sensation remained. He immediately turned to the window and tried not to make eye contact with her. Figuratively speaking of course.

“I presume you would say the same hm? Not a lot of people are friends with 90 year olds.” Skulduggery said bashfully. He would have something far more witty and charming to say if not for the fact they were talking about Valkyrie. It hadn't been like this until she had left. When she had said...

  
  


THAT.

 

“I love Val, she's like a sister to me. Probably not the same way as you, hm? I wouldn't know, soul-sista.” Tanith said, almost drunkily. Skulduggery knew she liked her tea strong but this was a whole new level. He peered into the kitchen from his couch and noticed a large bottle of something was on the benchtop next to the kettle. He stared for a second, realising it was one of the brandys he kept for when one of the Dead Men came over. He just shook his head dissapointedly, knowing that she wouldn't respond to some lecture, so he just said:

  
  


“I keep that brandy for friends you know, that stuff's worth about several hundred pounds in your home country. I've had it since we formed the Dead Men. I hope you realise how important that was to me.”

  
  


“You're beating around the bush Skeleton. Let's talk about Val for a minute shall we. I know you knew her for a long time, since she was young and I feel as though I should talk about something she told me before I turned evil and shit.” She said with a slur. It was obvious the liqour was kicking in and it was only midday. She was holding the cup of tea like a tankard of ale and sloshed it about, most unbecoming of a sanctuary agent.

“Back when you weren't listening or in the room, she would gush about how awesome you are in cases. She would talk about how you could win every fight, how you could solve any crime, save the world a dozen times and still have enough time to meditate. The thing about that was she always had this fucking look in her eyes. I admit she was like, 6 or some shit but she still looked at you like she was putting you on a pedestal, like she would have given her soul to be like you.”

  
  


“I do believe she was 16 the last time she talked to you, I also doubt you knew her when she was 6. Also, how much brandy did you put in that?” Skulduggery said sceptically, pointing to the kitchen.

  
  


“Oh, you should keep talking you sexy fucker. Your voice is like a vibrator in my soul, babe. I understand why she had a crush on you Skul-man. I have a bone to pick with you. If you get what I mean!” Tanith leant her arms on the couch arm and looked shakily into Skulduggery's eye-sockets. He assumed that it was some kind of come-hither look, but at that moment she just looked drunker.

  
  


“Flattery will only ever get you so far Miss Low, please restrain yourself. However dashing I may be, i'd prefer it if you didn't try using your lady wiles on me. I need a battle accesory, not a lover.”

  
  


“You wouldn't say that to Valkyrie now, would you!” Tanith guffawed, practically dying from laughter.

  
  


“That's not what's relevant right now. I feel like you should go home and clear your head Tanith. I have a feeling they might have sent the wrong person to confront me about this. I think i'll just go and talk to Grand Mage Sorrows. Would you like some help to the door?” Skulduggery raised a courteous arm to Miss Low and tried to walk her to the door. As she went to grab his arm, she pushed it away and shouted.

  
  


“YOU AREN'T MY FATHER YOU WANKER!” she shouted this as she stood up, at the point where she said 'wanker' she slammed her entire body into Skulduggerys favourite wallpaper. She fell like a woman sized tree. He wondered if she would stab herself with her sword as she fell. It would be an easy way to claim heroics.

_We could say she was kncoked out by some thugs, causing amnesia. It's very believable._

Is it really?

As she lay there sleepily a large bump formed on her head, he thought of simply leaving her there, but she might end up ruining his house. So he picked her up and walked her to the bed that he had gotten for Valkyrie and lied her down. She would probably regain consciousness after the brandy wore off. He wrote down a note and walked out of the house, his coat collar's popped and his scarf around his jaw. He had a feeling this would happen again. She had brought her own liqour last time she was around. He had since prohibted her from ever drinking anything remoetly related to liqour. He had only gotten his roof repaired recently. She had only started doing this since Val had left. She lived by the way of the samurai for a while, she didn't believe in tainting her body in anyway. But now it was like she was doing that every second day of the week. He never delved to far into the details but it wasn't things one would expect a 90-something to do. As he got into the bentley he looked out over the street, at the two funeral services that sat on the road he thought of how boring life was becoming. Sure there was a lot more work but that barely constituted any rush. If there was no one left to bask in the greatness and crack wise then there wasn't anything to getting back to the daily grind.

Skulduggery wondered if he could have done a side project. Singing was a hidden passion for the man, his natural sense of tone was something to be admired. But when one does something good, they should do all this well. He drove down the road, heading to Roarhaven as he had done for the past 4 years. Drove alongside the river like he had done for all that time, passing the one crazy guy with the trolley. He knew he was in for a scolding from Sorrows but at this point he was going there out of habit more than anything else. They needed him and he knew it. Skulduggery had stopped giving a damn about consequences long ago. After armies had fallen at his feet, rules tended to go by the wayside. It was one of the reasons why Valkyrie had become his partner, the consequences never even tapped his mind. A mistake he had grown to regret. As he rolled up to the sanctuary he got ugly looks from the other agents, word had spread quickly throughout town. He didn't regret this consequence, it was adding to his legend. The hellish skeleton detective, almost murdered a Cleaver without thining about it. That sounded good.

  
  


He strode through the hallway, keeping his composure as much as possible. He didn't want people thinking it had gotten to him. He would try to play it off as though the cleaver had just not been careful enough, Skulduggery was one of the dead men after all, could he blamed for what he did to ill-prepared fighters. His Bespoke shoes clacked hard against the marble floor. As he passed he could have sworn some of the Cleavers were flinching, the researchers were walking away faster than what they used to. It was highly amusing, this must have been what had happened during the war. He just never had enough free time to pay attention to it. Though there were some draw backs, he had a feeling some of his previous clientelle would be disturbed at the news, but the best paying clients were the one who didn't ask questions. Of course he didn't really care about money, however it was important to maintain standards. As he entered the main hall, all glowing marble and tinted window panes, Grand Mage Sorrows was talking with her advisors. China was elegant as ever, despite her position of power she hadn't lost her touch. Her followers still had a longing stare in their eyes, the twinkling that tended to signal love or admiration, but to China it simply signified complacency. Skulduggery had a respect for that, though. When one observes love in anothers eyes, it takes a certain strength to ignore it, he knew that. He also knew that if you ignore it for to long, it will go away, and thats when it hurts the most. As she turned she game him her typical dazzling smile and curvy hips routine which made other men vacate their nether regions, but to Skulduggery it only meant she wanted something from him.

  
  


“My dearest detective! It's been far too long!” Chine said, that smile plastered onto her face like a cheap mask.

  
  


“We met last week to discuss the Ampersan Case, we also met briefly yesterday to discuss the coffee in the staff room.”

  
  


“Pish posh, dear! I trust your here for a case then?” China said cheerfully. Presumably because her advisor was still in the room. Everyone knew who China was, what she did during the war. However, she was trying to cover up who she was, certain files had dissapeared from the archives. Specifically on the Diablerie. Skulduggery had no problem, she was doing what e expected her to do. Nonetheless, it pissed him off when she was doing that in front of him. It was like her defecating on him while she drank a pumpkin latte. But, she was giving him a job, so he didn't care.

  
  


“You know why i'm here Grand Mage...” He said, rather tight lipped. He knew that she wanted to talk with him about his actions the previous night, that or she wanted a report on the previous case. But he didn't care.

  
  


“Right... Let's go to my quarters.” Chine said as she walked out of the grand hall. Skulduggery did the same

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skulduggery meets with China and sexiness ensues  
> I do not own the writes to Skulduggery Pleansant  
> All rights reserved for Derek Landy and his publisher

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,  
> i should probably mention that there is some sexual references in this chapter.  
> I tried my best to characterize China as best i could with what i was planning for the chapter.  
> I hope i don't offend anyone with this chapter.  
> If anyone has an issue, please tell me an i'll rewrite this bit.

5

China Sorrows had a knack for style, as most people do in her situation. On the day Skulduggery went to the Austrian Grand Mage's house four months prior, he had found her quarters around the same as Ms Sorrrows, but more fluffy. Ms Sorrows had a knack for owning the most beautiful things on the planet, including clothes, beds, wardrobes and so on. Her carpet was a lush purple, her drapes were a deep and velvety blue. Her dresser was so intricately designed it looked as though it had been made by fairies or a really small carpenter god. Her bed was typical of the rich and wealthy bloated. It was as soft as the bellies of the rich, and about as useful in a fight. Although, that being said, Skulduggery had found beds usefully in certain fights, especially as projectiles. Skulduggery found himself inspecting the area. The general shape of the rug meant that someone other than China had been here recently. She had stopped to speak with the individual, then had left in a hurry, moving the carpet back. The size of the track meant it was a man, or a really big footed woman, but judging by the imprint depth he was short. Possibly one of the new recruits. Ms Sorrows had done something recently on the bed as well, the general curvature of the bed meant that someone had been in here recently as well when she was in her bed, presumably in her dressing gown. Although, said dressing gown lay on the floor next to the bed, meaning that she had no clothing when this other individual was in the room. That explained the blood splattering on the floor next to the carpet, blood noses were common in that scenario. She had eaten recently, the wrappers of small and inconsequential candies lay in the bin. She had put on a new set of make up, the residuals lay in front of her mirror.

  
  


Skulduggery noticed all of this in the split second he wandered into the room. He approached the velvet curtains and looked out over Roarhaven city, a smirk on his non-existent face.

  
  


“You know China, for a woman who wants to be less conspicious about her past, you sure are putting on display up here.” Skulduggery said mockingly.

  
  


“The best place to hide a secret is in plain sight my dear, you know that better than anyone.” China said as she walked over to her partition next to her dresser. She smiled an almost knowing smile. The wooden dresser had an elegant design on it, that of the Secret War with Melovelent. Of course a woman of her caliber kept one of these. They only made 20 of them. Collectors tended to gather the most horrid things, simply so no one else can have them. The sound of her clothes being unzipped and unfurled filled the room as Skulduggery watched people bustle and hustle beneath a Roarhaven sky. He didn't exactly hate this, he just hated that fact that he was alone while seeing this.

_Valkyrie would love this view..._

Shut up.

China had completely removed her clothing, Skulduggery could sense the wind against her body. It was obscure when he did this, but he could do this to everyone. When Valkyrie was still with him, he would reassure himself of her presence by sensing her shape in the air. He couldn't do that now though. The weirdest part of what he was doing was that it was rather subconscious. He didn't want to think about China's curves, such thoughts were unbecoming of a man of his calibre, but regardless, it was unmistakable how...

Curved...

Ms Sorrows was.

“Skulduggery, darling. Could you get my robe?” China said as she lent her hand away from the partition. Waving her hand slowly, as if she was trying to embody the spirit of 'come hither' through her hand.

She succeeded.

  
  


He knew if he handed it to her with his gloves, a number of things could happen, so he simply levitated it to her partition. He heard a slight harumph come from China. He didn't care. He knew this was hurting him as much as it did with every other woman in his life, but she was his boss, so he had to bear this or else he would have to go back to private detective work. That kind of work came few and far.

_You don't seem to deterred with Valkyrie do you?_

That's different.

_Is it?_

Not for you.

  
  


China slowly walked away from her partition. In a Silk robe that left all too much to the imagination and left all too little to it. Her legs shone with the light of the room, her hair as black as sin reflected into the back of Skulduggery's skull. Her make done up as perfect as always. Although, and the detective knew this was an issue, the only thing Skulduggery could think of was Valkyrie. He was wondering about her safety, her livelihood, everything. The last few hours had been riddled with Valkyrie thoughts, regardless of what woman, Low or Sorrows or any other, was in front of him.

Sorrows tried to gauge some level of reaction from Skulduggery, but upon realizing his lack of attention, she turned away to her bed and sat on the edge. Putting her hands in between her legs, tightening her thighs around them so her already ample chest became more pronounced. She was trying her best to tease Skulduggery, but even then, she was doing this to regain control over him. She had never thought of this kind of thing as demeaning, because demeaning would imply that she wasn't in the position of power. Regardless of whether she was flirting or fighting, being in control was the only thing she would ever do. Her strength emanated from every faucet of her being, but radiated as beauty. The thing about Skulduggery was that he was far too stern for womanly wiles, even with someone of China's skill. She knew he was better as a stable agent rather than a lunatic. If it took a ridiculous bath robe, she would wear it. Anything to bring him under her thumb.

  
  


But even her best moves weren't functioning. So she moved onto her next best tactic: psychology

  
  


“Skulduggery” China said as sincerely as she could. “It's been brought to my attention that...” China trailed off as Skulduggery attempted to turn back towards the window.

“China, if you're attempting to seduce me, you should be aware of the situation you are in. We are two war criminals, standing together several stories high. You hold the most power in this country, and if I were to bring you down, I could just as easily take that from you. Do not think anything has been forgotten. I just choose to admit that I have done things as equally as bad as you in our time on this planet and I will not have a kettle-pot situation unless it is on my own terms. I know I am being rather blunt about this, but so have you.” Skulduggery said as stiffly as possibly. He then looked her in the eyes and stood stock still. It was quiet for a moment. They both stared at each other for the longest time, trying to figure out what to say. Skulduggery knew he would be out of a job if he took her out. He knew that she would be hugely shunned if she killed and Irish war hero. So they were an impasse.

  
  


_Oh come now, what do you have to lose?_

My job?

_What job? You punch things for a living!_

I do other things to!

_What? Like reading files?_

no. well yes. But no. I drive stylishly

_do you vogue as you drive?_

I should start doing that! Wait... Shut Up!

  
  


Just then, China simply sighed and lied down onto the bed.

  
  


“Skulduggery, dear” China began to say.

“Refrain from calling me that Grand Mage”

“Mr Pleasant then? Dead Man? Skul?” China said whimsically. The last one made Skulduggery turn away slightly. He was only ever called Skul by Ghastly and...

“Skulduggery is just fine Ms Sorrows. I understand why I am here. You and the rest of the community are worried about my mental stability as of late. I assure you that I am fine on my own. Now if you'll excuse me, the Baker case is still active and it needs my brilliance so...” Skulduggery went for the window, but China pressed a tattoo on her wrist and symbols glowed around the frame.

“Skulduggery, you know I can't just take your word for all that. I'm sending you to someone. Someone who'll be able to help you with all this. There is a psychologist employed with the Sanctuary who specializes in Post War agent's such as yourself. I am not giving this order to you as your Grand Mage, but as your fre...”

“We aren't friends.”

“Acquaintance then. As your good acquaintance, I ask for you to see this Psychologist. They have the taken name of Arabella Freud. She is the best on the continent.”

  
  


“Listen, China, i'm fine. Honestly. I don't need anyone's help. I can handle my own problems. Remember the war?” Skulduggery said as he pushed at the window again.

  
  


“Skulduggery, you went away for years, nobody even saw you after what happened. We all assumed you were dead. That may work in war time, but things are different now.” China said with what sounded like legitimate concern. The fool.

_Kill her now, she suspects nothing._

I SAID SHUT UP!

_I can't... you know why._

No I don't!

“You know China, I feel like this argument would be more serious if you weren't laying on your bed in a bathrobe.” Skulduggery said as he tried to calm himself.

“On the contrary Mr Pleasant, I thought this would be more persuasive.” China said with a smirk.

_Her life energy is so big... So bright! We could take all of it, all you have to do is..._

STOP.

“Seriously China, i'm fine... I just need some time away from all this. I need...”

“My god! Is this... the fabled... Vacation!?” China said, sitting up rather too quickly for Skulduggery's liking, speaking in a mock tone. Hey bathrobe fluttered slightly, so Skulduggery had to avert his gaze somewhat. Others would have leant forward. Although, it could be said that the Great Skeleton Detective, shifted his pinky.

  
  


“You know what I mean China. Just a short one. Let me re-acquit myself with modern culture. Let me see some of the world. It's been months since I've been to Paris. Or the Caribbean. Just give me some time to think, OK?” Skulduggery said in the most pleading tone he could muster while a mass-murderer was whispering in his non-existent ears. He did need one. He was going to explode soon, he needed to go somewhere.

Soon.

She sighed, a reluctant agreement, knowing what she would lose.

“Fine. Judging by your instability, i'm giving you a month. I'm calling in a new detective. You will now be the problem of whatever Sanctuary you vacation to. Be careful OK? I'd prefer my favorite skeleton not die in the middle of the Amazon somewhere.” China said, rather sad and wistful at the same time. Skulduggery took this as his option to leave. He went for the door and tipped his hat.

“You know it takes more than that to take me out China. Oh... and China?”

“Yes, Skulduggery?” China said with a sigh in her tone.

“Thank you. For everything.” This made China sit up a bit straighter and stare at Mr Pleasant's back with a blush on her face. She immediately looked away, this wasn't like her at all. But, dressing up in a bathrobe in front of an agent wasn't something she tended to do either.

Skulduggery walked out into the hallway of her quarters, jumped out the window, and flew for the Bentley.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me guys!  
> this was an indulgent thing that a friend of mine suggested. Anyway guys, give me reviews if you can.  
> I always appreciate the help.  
> Thanks guys!  
> Please have a look at my other works to.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skulduggery begins his trip around the world to bring about a sense of calm. A year of adventure awaits our hero! Where will he go next?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!   
> I hope you guys are okay with some Original Characters.   
> I know it might end badly, but if you guys don't like them they might mysteriously disappear from the story.   
> I don't own the rights to SP.   
> All rights and so on.   
> Thanks for reading guys!

  


6

Several days later, Skulduggery had gotten all his affairs in order and headed to the airport. He admitted to himself that he could just simply fly himself there. But he found it was easier to keep cover if he wasn't moving at Mach 5 across the Pacific Ocean. He had decided upon Australia, a country as equal to Ireland in excitement, but with much nicer scenery. He knew that Valkyrie liked going there, so he thought that he would find her there. He knew this was far to optimistic. But the Detective didn't care, he was going on vacation for the first time in a century. He might also find a new combat accessory. One with even tighter trousers.

With all that Skulduggery had earned over the years, he was very much so prepared to dish out the money for first class. He knew his face was going to be an issue. So before he left, he got a passport that was linked to his facade, so he looked almost exactly the same as his passport, regardless of face. He also got a nice name, he knew Valkyrie would like it. The woman at customs simply smiled and waved him onto the plane saying:

“Have a pleasant flight Mr Yourick Mie” Or, Detective Inspector Me.

  
  


The plane ride was long. But the dead man slept like one. Meditation can span any number of hours if one focuses hard enough. Skulduggery appear to have slept for the whole flight. Although, half way through before his stopover, he found that they had his favorite film with Grace Kelly in it. He forgot the name, but he enjoyed it nonetheless before he went back to meditating. Arriving in Australia meant confirming said arrival in the country with the current Sanctuary. He didn't know the place, so the detective got a chaperone, a young detective called Lucius Card. Obscure name, but a plethora of interesting aspects. He was partnered with a women called Angela Spir, another interesting and obscure individual.

  
  


They picked him up in what appeared to be a funeral hearse, which felt like some kind of joke that was around 3 centuries to late for Mr Pleasant. But nonetheless, he chuckled. Awaiting outside of the Sydney airport was a car, it looked slightly conspicuous, but the owner of a Bentley Continental had no room to talk about gaudiness. Both Mr Card and Ms Spir stepped out of the hearse with a smirk, though Ms Spir was smirking on the inside. Ms Spir was dressed as though she were from a bike gang of some description. Her hair was bright shade of neon green with a single streak of pure white. Her clothing was of a similar persuasion, her jacket was the specific kind of denim that is purposefully thrown into a mosh pit and then pulled out again to see how destroyed and dilapidated it could end up. Her jeans were of a similar ilk.

  
  


Her skin was a light mahogany color, glistening with sweat, the hot sun beating down on her not at all un-impressive form. Her shirt had the phrase “I drink the blood of the Creator in the morning' in blood red, in a font that was an embodiment of the color. Her boots were from the army and appeared to have the blood of some street thugs permanently painted on to them, the laces were untied and one of the soles was coming off of the shoe. Skulduggery would have recommended her a tailor...

he would have...

Mr Card had no need for a tailor though, he was impeccably dressed. As was typical of this kind of duo. The typical ying-yang archetype. His suit was an incredible degree of bright white, perfectly creased and made of the same bullet proof material as Valk...

The suit shirt and the vest within the suit were both the color of blood and shined with the sheen that fresh velvet does, that or blood pooling beneath a victim. His shoes had the same color scheme and around his neck, a cross could be seen, but upside down. The opposite went for Ms Spir.

“A pleasure to meet a living legend, such as yourself Mr Pleasant” Mr Card said as he presented a hand to shake. His voice was deep and smooth, much like the Detective himself. There was a slight tinge to his voice, as though every word was poisonous.

“Is this what people do now?” Skulduggery said, looking down at the hand, not entirely sure what to do with it. Was it a present. Not many people hand out appendages except for Skulduggery. Many a pun had been shared at birthdays.

“I do believe that's how it works, Detective.” Mr Card said with a smile. They shook hands and Ms Spir walked up a bit closer. She blew some bubblegum that Mr Pleasant didn't know she was chewing and blew it into his face. When it popped, she just smirked and said:

“Yeah, nice to meet ya Bones” Ms Spir said in an overwhelmingly thuggish manner. One could tell that she was trying, to no avail, to be as Tanith would say 'Hard'. Skulduggery, ever the gentlemen, separated the gum from his face using the air beneath it and put it deep into her hair. Admittedly, it was childish, but as stated previously, he wasn't exactly stable. Before he could light it on fire, Angela smiled and raised her fist to bump him. As he did so (Reluctantly) a faint glow shone from her head and the gum disintegrated.

Almost like a halo.

Quite a sight.

Skulduggery had heard of these types before, they were a specific kind of adept around the world which practiced in either Light or Dark magic which gave them the properties of either an Angel or a Demon. It was called the Path of Cain or the Path of Angels. Ironic paths for both presumably.

“My apologies for my associate here. Her manners are only equal to her brain capacity” Card said calmly.

“You have worse test score than I do!” Angela shouted into Card's ear.

“I have street smarts” Card said with a calm smirk

“You live in a mansion! When have you ever been on a street!?” Spir screamed loud enough that the departures could hear.

“One of the streets. The one in front of my mansion. Come along Mr Pleasant. Once you have checked in, you can enjoy your vacation as much as you want, within reason.” Card continued to smile the smile a man gives to his dinner. The path of Cain preferred to be called “The Souls of the Damned”, maybe Card saw something in the Detective.

  
  


_He's looking for me._

No he's not. He's looking at me, naturally.

_Really? Look closely._

 

He did, he looked at Card and nothing obscure about him came up, he did smell profusely of dried blood. But, upon closer inspection, it was as though Card was looking into the Detectives eye sockets.

Into his soul.

He never thought of having a soul before, but in some sense, Vile was kind of a conscience. He liked to think that he was building his soul up again. After the things he had done as Vile, he had lost any sense of what people tended to call a “Soul”. As Skulduggery had a general dislike of people gazing at his perfection for too long, he went into the car and sat in the back seat, waiting for the others to get into the car. He wrapped his scarf high on his face and looked out the window, trying hard not to make eye contact. The Path of Cain was a recently made circle, more or less after the Roarhaven Debacle and the war of the Sanctuaries. He didn't think of the name all that often, more or less because Valkyrie would probably like it too much. The thing about having a partner with an equal ego is that they very rarely have anything to hurt it. He knew none of the members of Cain, he didn't like that idea. It was similair to people worshipping what he did as Vile.

  
  


_Why wouldn't they? I'm a fantastic role model._

Am I rubbing off on you?

_Nonsense, false hero. I was always you. In some sense, I am rubbing off on you._

I'd like to think...

  
  


Skulduggery turned away from the window, realizing Ms Spir was talking to him.

  
  


“So mate, why ya hear? Big wig like you, we don't get many round here. So, what's up?”

Skulduggery shook himself back to reality and tried to center his thoughts.

  
  


“Sorry, I don't understand Australian colloquialism. Although, i'm relatively sure I just don't understand youth these days.” Skulduggery deadpanned.

  
  


“What Ms Spir meant, was that we don't typically get men of your caliber down here very often.” Mr Card said cheerfully.

  
  


“You get walking skeleton's around here very often, Card?” Skulduggery said, amused.

  
  


“You'd be surprised. My path allows for such things”

  
  


“I reckon it would be good to meet more of your kind.” Spir said, smirking.

  
  


“Oh yes, I've always loved family reunions. Would you like to join me for dinner with them? Guess what the main course is.” Skulduggery joked, smile in his voice.

  
  


“Us?” Card said sarcastically.

  
  


Skulduggery smirked internally and said very softly.

  
  


“Spooky... scary....” He stopped halfway, knowing he would lose all respect for himself if he finished that sentence. He knew Valkyrie would have laughed at that, but she...

  
  


His train of thought slowed as they approached the Sydney branch of the Sanctuary. He hadn't really been paying attention to the drive, but he found that they were now in the middle of a town center. Parked besides a multitude of moderately priced cars, they sat in front of Queen Victoria Building.

  
  


_This should be good._

Enough of this, conscience, let's show them what a real suit looks like.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think?   
> I hope i can continue a bit with this storyline, at least until chapter 10. Then, i was thinking he could go to Africa. What do you think?   
> Blood Witches anyone?   
> Thanks for reading!   
> Reviews as always. Thanks guys!   
> Bye!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Back! The long awaited continuation of Falling Apart. Skulduggery, having arrived in Oz is to report to the Australian Sanctuary and its Grand Mage to officiate his trip to the authorities. But it is a tumultuous time in Australia, with many a rebel vying for control over the Cleavers and the Sanctuary resources. Skulduggery routs these rebels and continues his loss of control. Can Skulduggery hold it together?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Exams are over and High School has stopped being a bitch to complete so for now i am back until more exams arise. This chapter has been in the works for a while, because i wasn't particularly happy with it. But for now, we will go with this. If anybody has any issues with the current Chapter 7 please feel free to let me know and i will try my best to fix it. Spoiler warning/ Content Warning Skulduggery begins to act a bit perverted and weird in conjunction with Lord Vile slowly encroaching on his subconscious. But since you're already reading this fic you probably are prepared for any number of lewd things a Skeleton of several Centuries old would be capable of saying to young sorceresses. For those who have read up to this point and have been waiting, i am sorry for taking so long. But this one's for you.

 7

The Queen Victoria building was one of the bustling hubs in Sydney, though not the largest Skulduggery had ever seen. Admittedly, the 1920’s were a different time, but had a lot more happening. At any rate, the building teemed with many mortals, hurrying about their business and generally believing their world was but the only one to exist and fairy tales were but legend, yet around them sat and stood thousands of sorcerers each vying for a chance to murder each other. A number of rebellious factions had attempted to usurp the current Elders and their reign on the Australian magic community, and as such a sorcerer was placed in every square meter of the building and the surrounding area, and on occasion two. However, some rebels got through and often caused chaos once they got past the fail safes and defenses. Seeing as how the building was constantly being infiltrated, the repairs weren’t often finished before somebody came barreling through and destroyed everything again. Similar had happened in Dublin and Roarhaven, yet Skulduggery often dealt with it with extreme efficiency-

_And brutality._

Mr Card and Ms Spir led him through the crowds, his facade slowly growing heavy, and to any onlooker it may have seemed as though the man was aging rapidly with each step. Which is to say, this was particularly true within Skulduggery himself. He grew weary of bureaucracy, as many fine skeleton’s do. Seeing as he was now the only one walking on the surface,  he found that the great Skeleton Detective now set the benchmark for fine bone structures. Eventually they arrived at a dark wall behind the elevators, away from the prying eyes of the public as a set of Cleavers disguised as plumbers and maintenance workers fixed the mechanism on the elevators mentioned prior.

“Down the rabbit hole, my dear” Card said menacingly to Spir

“Stuff it up your pussycat hole Hatter” Spir responded with a smirk as she stepped through the wall.

“I adore her.” Card said with a slant smile as he fell through the wall too.

Skulduggery cringed, seeing himself reflected in Card far too much, that side that he very rarely indulged in. The _creepy_ side.

_I'm not creepy, I'm menacing_

Yeah, no.

Skulduggery strode through the shadow and felt a cold chill spread through him for a moment, despite not having skin, and arrived in the middle of a large granite room with a solid steel door flanked by two orbs atop two marble spires, currently firing bolts of light at a large group of interlopers at the front door. There was no surprise that Card and Spir were already beating down into the rebels with reckless abandon, and with this Skulduggery could see a reflection of their personalities.

Card was deceptively brutal. He struck with a very calculated effectiveness bordering on mechanical. He stood still in front of a group of men and women, each with a beanie or a masquerade mask or something equally ridiculous pulled over their faces. Skulduggery noted in the brief seconds he had before he too was assaulted that Card waited for them all to pounce him before he sidestepped out of all of their trajectories and slashed every one of their kneecaps with what appeared to be a magical blade in the hilt of his cane. He then walked back into the fight in a leisurely stride. When enemies ran up to him, he simply placed the blade against their heads and a stream of red energy tendrils wrapped themselves around the persons’ face, causing them extreme agony. As Skulduggery broke a man’s’ arm in a counter, he recalled how the Path of Cain operated. They tended to use a persons’ negative emotions and turn them into physical matter, and inflict pain proportional to their negative actions and guilt. Often it is viewed as a kind of divine judgement, Skulduggery believed it to be abusive behavior

_You would know about that wouldn’t you?_

Shut it.

As Skulduggery flipped a girl into her partner in a double block counter, he looked to Spir, who was acting in the opposite way. She appeared to be focusing on the weak and rather meek people in the groups, which coincided with her powers. The Path of Angels worked in the opposite way to the Cains and were often pulled together with bad guys, because they tended towards using a persons’ good deeds and kind thoughts against them, by impaling others in the heart with pure heart energy. With this, she gathered glowing fists of gold around her hands, as she pummeled the living crap out of the young men and women who genuinely did not want to be there. As she hit them, strands of gold pulled away from their body, as she tugged at their kindness. This was actually the best combination in a group, as she would strip away the goodness in a person and leave them evil, and as Card hit them they would have only good left in them. What a remarkable sight.

There was a distinct contrast in the combat styles. Spir didn’t want to hurt her victims too badly, hitting them into a dazed stupor in their abdomens and ribs. Card, however, tended to hit them aggressively in the parts that may never repair, and in more unmentionable areas.

_Their balls_

For lack of a better word…. Yes

Skulduggery of course found himself applying his typical brand of efficient brutality. A cracked nose, broken ribs, legs, and so on. It all rather blended together, but he could definitely feel the pleasure in beating-

_smooth_

shut it

the satisfaction

_better_

_i_ for _g_ ODS _sake_

_its getting to you_

shut up.

Hitting people in the face was fun.

_Of course it is_

In a brief lapse of conscious thought, skulduggery jammed his thumb into someone’s eye. The victim screamed in abject agony, turning from an anguished grunt to a distressed and guttural yelp. Skulduggery pulled the finger out in a kind of shocked silence and swung his backhanded fist across the victims’ temple to knock him out. He hit the granite floor with a loud thud, as everyone stopped and looked at him. Even Card seemed a bit concerned. Realizing he had everyone’s attention, Skulduggery took advantage of the situation. He pulled out his revolver and shot twice into the roof. The shots rang out into the long granite room.

“Good afternoon young vagabonds, ruffians and scoundrels. As some of you may have already guessed, I am Skulduggery Pleasant aka the Skeleton Detective. Now I know many of you may be wondering about your friend on the floor there. I will admit though, that is not the worst thing I may do today. In fact, I may get to look within each of you today,” He said, gesturing to the inside of the young man’s skull that could be viewed from a distance.  

“If not literally then figuratively. That being said this is a new suit and if I were to do worse things, I would not be comfortable with wasting said attire. However, it is a cheap suit, so I would be fine with covering it with your fluids. That also sounds dirtier than I meant it to but I assure you whichever way you take my meaning, I will follow through with the utmost sincerity and courtesy. It depends. So with that being said, if anybody wants to challenge me right now to a game of “Irish boxing” then I would be happy to oblige.”

There was a brief and extenuating sense of tension hovering over the room, as though it exuded from everyone’s tense expression. Card seemed to watch on in amusement, while Spir seemed to have a pained expression on her face, as though she were trying to gauge Skulduggery and his antagonistic nature. A young woman with considerable build stepped forward, with her buff arms rippling beneath her ripped shirt. The fashion statement was-

_Kinky_

unreasonable.

_You and I both know what it is_

“Well hello young lady. I trust, since you stepped forward, that you understand the context and rules behind Irish boxing? Typically, it involves beating the ‘excrement’ out of someone until they pass out. It involves standing up right and taking turns to throw the punch. But I have a better alternative that I recently made up a few weeks ago. The term I would like to coin is known as the “Irish Sanctuary massacre fight”. Basically, you pour all of your emotion into it, and beat your opponent into a messy pulp until their lungs resemble Swiss cheese and a deflated sponge. Did you comprehend that?”

Skulduggery said all this in the somewhat overly relaxed, almost maniacal manner of a man who was just as willing to murder the girl, as he was to rescue her. Even though there was not an eyeball in his skull, there was a flicker in the back of it, as though a flame danced in the back of his head, inciting fear and terror in those that stared deep enough. He lingered upon the last syllable of his taunt, as though challenging her to say another word. He looked around though, enjoying the tension. There was a young man who looked especially afraid in the corner of the room. If Skulduggery had a face, he would have smirked. He sling shot himself across the room so he was standing in front of the boy and pointed his revolver point blank between his eyes.

“Who is this young man to you I wonder ‘Ripped Xena’?” Skulduggery said with a dark kind of lilt.

“Lover? Gaurdian? Brother? Best Friend? All of the above? If so I recommend going somewhere where that is legal. However I am not entirely aware of all the legal customs here in the Brown Frontier, so do enlighten me. I wonder how his brain looks splattered against the wall? Wouldn’t that be something….”

He paused for a moment, nobody moved an inch.

“DROP YOUR WEAPONS!” Skulduggery shouted as though pulling the rage from deep within. Everyone dropped their weapons instantaneously.

“RANK AND FILE IN A LINE. CARD, SPIR! CUFF THEM!” Skulduggery remembered his days in the war, memories of orders flooding in.

Everyone complied rapidly and without protest. It was as though everyone had lost the will to think independently.

_Good job skeleton. Keep this up and I might think you’re legitimately worth something._

Shut it you old fossil.

_Suit yourself._

Heh, suit.

After a moment, Card and Spir opened the gate and marched them all through the halls with the assistance of a few Cleavers.

Skulduggery watched from a distance as what he could only assume was a kind of phantom Adrenalin sunk in.  After a moment or two of watching, he decided to shout down the hall.

“Should I come in or search for… I suppose some kind of evidence of their rebellious actions? Like perhaps if I found a cell phone that had their boss’s number on speed dial or something? I heard dirt can be a useful indication of-“

Just as he was about to start joking, he noticed that everyone in there was looking at him with such terrified eyes that he thought he saw Lord Vile reflected in them. He decided to step through anyway, right at the rear of the pack.

_We should have killed that guy. He was already dying of agony. It probably would have been a mercy. I can already SEE the headlines_

Don’t you dare

_We should keep our EYE on him_

STOP

_He could become a strong PUPI-_

_“_ SHUT UP!”

Everyone froze in the brief lapse of concentration Skulduggery showed. Everyone stared at him for a moment.

“Mr Pleasant…. No one said anything” Card said quizzically as he turned to Skulduggery.

“Yeah bones, you going nuts or somethin’?” Spir concurred alongside her partner.

The detective looked around and realized he was in a restrained combat stance, as though he was about to flip everyone over his knee and break their spines.  

“Look, after you talk to our boss, you should probs talk to our head medic. He’s pretty cool. Anyway, we gotta head down to the goal right now, so try not to murder anybody while we’re gone. PEACE” Spir said in an upbeat manner as she strode down the hall with Card. Skulduggery could see by the way she walked she was shivering with nervousness. He was acting rather schizophrenic at that moment.

_You would expect him to act worse considering what we’ve been through_

Shut it.

As the others left, he couldn’t help but look at Spirs young rump. It was rare for him to ogle, but it was kind of hard to ignore, try as he might. A number of thoughts, presumably spurned by Lord Vile, flew by in his head until she turned the corner and he turned the opposite direction. He wandered the halls for a while, until he bumped into a young administrator. She was a relatively innocent looking young girl. She had the kind of energy emitting from her that was common of elementals, and her fashion sense bordered on an 80’s music video.

_Innocent looking. I like that in a victim._

Well of course, but lets not say that.

“Innocent aren’t you my dear? I like that in a suspect.” He lent down and said that in a voice that even he was surprised with. She visibly shivered, with what he could only assume from past experiences was pleasure and whimpered slightly with a smirk.

_So you did say it. Heh, good on you._

No I said something different. Less murderer and more Casanova

_Oh yeah like you know what that’s like_

We have the same memories. You know what I used to get up to.

_Fair_

“Do you say that to all the suspects?” She said in a kind of coy whisper.

He lent in further and put a light hand on her elbow, whispering “Only to the severely spankable ones, yes-“ He stopped upon finishing this. He realized how utterly absurd he was acting just now. He reeled back in repulsion. The girl looked somewhat confused, her expression was that of a stunned fish. If he had skin, it would have turned beet red. He straightened his tie and hat, flicking a bit of imaginary lint from his shoulder and looked her in the eyes.

“My apologies ma’am. You would not want an old bag of bones such as myself invading your personal space. I understand, so if you would kindly direct me to the Grand Mag-“ Skulduggery was interrupted by the young ladies low murmuring of

“I don’t mind…”

There was an awkward silence that passed between them both, Skulduggery more in surprise than anything. After a moment she point down the hall.

“Its… it’s the room at the end of the hall. Go in at your leisure.” She said meekly, with a nervous smile on her face.

“I… thank you.” Skulduggery stammered, and walked down the hall. He called back to her “What’s your name my dear?”

“E-Emily!” she said a bit more sternly, as though shouting it to him.

“I’ll be sure to keep my eye on you…. Figuratively speaking of course” He said this with a smirk in his voice, and cocking his head as though he were winking. She blushed and turned away.

_Yep… still got it._

Heh… yeah. No, wait! This is your fault! You with your dark and erotic thoughts are corrupting my gentlemanly image!

_You’re defecating on that image everyday the longer you live._

Shut it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think? there are going to be a few more OC introduction and the mystery of this fic will begin to unfold for our heroes over the course of the time that i am capable of writing this fic. Please be prepared for long stints of me not writing jack shit. But for those who are still sticking around with me, i look forward to going on this Spooky Scary Skeleton Adventure with you all. As a side note, i am not sure how long my 80 Leis series will go for, as i will mention in the new chapter i have written for that as well. Peace out.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading guys!  
> I'd appreciate any reviews. If you guy's think my characterization is off, please tell me! I hope you guys liked this. I will be posting the 2nd chapter soon. If not, look for it on Fanfiction.net .


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